Being friends with men has been hard. Hard in ways that have not been
true when connecting with women.
Since sixth grade, I have had good male "buddies". But when I needed
to share deeper feelings, it would be with a woman. With men, sharing
feelings, being vulnerable, is almost always something of an upward
hill battle. And too often, when there is difficulty within a male-to-male
friendship, both parties fail to resolve the problem. Relationships break
apart, with nothing said or communicated about the breakup.
It's happened to me and others.
This "men's issue" experience has been discussed for years. There have
been consciousness raising groups (the so-called men's movement) since
mid to late 70's. Charlie Kriener led magnificent men's workshops for
the Re-Evaluation Co-Counseling communities in the late 70's and early
80's. Robert Bly wrote eloquently in IRON JOHN about men and deep
wounding. Terrance Real addressed unrecognized depression, isolation
and lack of soul full communication in I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT
IT.
Yet it remains hard to make meaningful connections with other humans.
We may fail to speak the full truth about ourselves and our experience.
False pride keeps us stuck within an acceptable persona. This has been
true for me...and, I'm learning, for many others. We may not even know
that we are doing this.
At Kavod, I have been leading men's groups for years. I need to talk with
you about what I see and have been learning. Working with the disease
of addiction gives me the chance to know about deep falsehood. There
is plenty of work remaining for men to do. This is long term inner work.
Looking and knowing within.
BTW, I've had a writer's block for the past hundred years. Each week, I
intend to write something in this blog. Bare with me as I thaw out from this
long term freeze.
If you want to share here, email me at dmorris@rpa.net. I will decide
what goes into this blog. Please be tolerant if your entry doesn't show up
in LOCKER ROOM PHYSICS. Thank you.
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